twitter isn't that great

okay, i won't lie. i have a twitter. and i use it. often.
but i have to say that i am sick of all the hype. as a journalism major, i spend no less than 12 hours a week hearing about it and discussing it in class. I GET IT! twitter is the new frontier, social networking is important, blah blah blah blah blah...

here's what i get from twitter: dinosaurtitties is taking a poop in the clarence brown theatre right now. how newsworthy.

i have yet to meet one person who uses twitter for anything other than random thoughts.

sure i can follow news organizations and celebrities but twitter isn't the only medium for doing that. when it comes to news, i have a million websites to choose from and celebrities are all over tv and magazines.

as of right now, i don't see twitter as anything more than a fad; another myspace, xanga, facebook, livejournal, etc type thing that will only be a big deal until we get bored of it.

p.s. this is my class assignment...

i am NOT the department of labor

dear unemployed people,
do me a favor. go get the phone book you use and look for when it was published. is it up to date? or is it more than ten years old? if you answered yes to the latter then THROW IT THE FUCK OUT. i don't know if you realize but sometimes this crazy thing happens to businesses-- they move and change their phone numbers. so try to remember that next time you call me in an effort to contact the department of labor. and just so you know, the more you call me the less likely i am to be the DOL. SO STOP CALLING ME.
love, tina

p.s. who the hell uses a phone book anymore? it's called the internet jackass.

can you find me in the DOL office pictured above?

this morning i was awakened by my phone. even though i didn't recognize the number, i answered it anyway because sometimes my family calls me from overseas and since they use a calling card the number is different each time. unfortunately, the man on the other line was not my uncle but another poor sap calling me to seek career services. here's how the call went down:

me: hello?
idiot: yeah um i wanted to talk to you guys about my hearing...
me: i'm sorry this is a cell phone. i don't think i can help you.
idiot: well a cell phone is the only phone i have.
me: no i mean, i'm just a student. you have to call someone else.
idiot: well i'm supposed to be there at...
me: you have the wrong number.
idiot: this is the only number i have.
me: who are you trying to reach?
idiot: the department of labor
me: yeah, that's not me.
idiot: on french landing drive in nashville. i just need to...
me: i can't help you.

i wish i could tell you it ended there but this man couldn't seem to grasp that there was nothing i could do for him. it was like he was expecting me to help him anyway. he kept asking me questions and telling me about his problem. i wanted to scream, "THIS is why you are unemployed, sir, because you clearly have some sort of mental deficiency." instead i tried to refer him to the DOL's website-- another concept he apparently couldn't grasp. i actually had to hang up on him.

this has been going on for more than five years and i know it's not going to stop so i now have the department of labor's actual phone number saved on my phone.

what fresh hell is this?

when we got to the farm, the absolute terror on my mom's friend's face was priceless. her eyes widened to the size of saucers when she saw this old man slowly shuffling out of his decaying house, waving. say hello to your future husband!

she knew he was an older man but she didn't realize how old. looking around the land, i saw it was exactly what i thought it would be: the battered remains of what once was a semi-nice farm.

when we went inside, our friend went pale like she was going to pass out. newspapers were strewn all over the floor and all the furniture was covered in quilts. i don't think i'm a particularly picky or needy person but i was literally sick to my stomach at the thought of staying here. it smelled like mothballs.

yes, that is a picture of george and laura bush placed lovingly amongst photos of his family.

luckily i wasn't the only person who felt that way. my mom stealthily snuck outside to call the hotel while her friend and i distracted the old man. they still had our room available and thankfully we were able to rebook it.

i believe this is where the bodies are kept. notice the meat hooks.

we told him that we were unable to cancel our hotel reservation because it was such short notice and, although we'd love to stay with him, we just couldn't but we would definitely spend time with him. he bought it. THANK GOD.

he showed us around his land and gave us lunch, which i was hesitant to eat for fear it may be poisoned. basically he rents out blocks of his land to red necks, effectively creating one of the world's most terrifying trailer parks. to be honest, he was actually a very nice man but the best way to characterize him is OLD. he embodies ever old person stereotype you could think of, including the long speeches about days gone by.

i made this ketchup and mustard masterpiece during one of his sermons.

his stories were kind of interesting (he was taken prisoner during the islamic revolution) but he kept going on tangents so his stories were almost impossible to follow. i think my brain would have melted if we ended up spending the night with him.

reporting to you live from the most boring place on earth

we're getting closer the our destination and things are not looking better. my mom's friend can tell i'm not very happy about staying on her boyfriend's pathetic excuse for a farm so she keeps saying things like "at least it'll be an adventure!" or "this will be an experience for you!" and of course, "we're making memories!" i like her a lot but i've had to employ a great deal of will power and restraint to avoid breaking my foot off in her ass.

THIS IS NOT A MOVIE. i am not a city slicker (like let's say, renee zellweger) moving to some backwater town where i will meet and fall in love with a folksy yet lovable local (perhaps harry connick jr). this will not end in a lesson learned.
correction: there is a lesson in this. next time someone offers to take me to florida, I'M FUCKING GOING.

i could have gone to florida...

this whole summer i've been craving the beach or a trip of any kind, really, to a fun vacation spot. a family friend offered to take me to Florida with her kids but i turned it down because we had a guest coming from California and we already had plans to go to Gatlinburg. it seems crazy to turn down Florida for Gatlinburg but i felt bad leaving my mom. plus we'd reserved a room at a hotel by Dollywood so at least there'd be a pool and possible fun times to be had, right?
FUCKING WRONG.

i can has beach tiems plz?

i guess i should make it clear that the whole reason we were going to Gatlinburg was so that this lady could meet some guy she might possibly marry. he lives in White Pine which is about an hour away.

while we were eating breakfast this morning at Breugger's (everything bagels with cream cheese are my reason for living) her potential fiance calls us to say: forget the hotel, come stay with me on my FUCKING FARM.

what's wrong with a farm? nothing. the idea of hanging out on a really nice ranch where i can see animals and do fun farm stuff (whatever that is) doesn't sound bad at all but that's just it; there is nothing on this farm. i don't even think you can call it that anymore. it is the empty shell of what once was a farm. it is to farms what humans are to zombies. i'm going to spend three day on a zombie farm.

i imagine mr. future husband looks something like this.

but i guess i owe this lady. she bought me two pairs of pants.

technically, i haven't seen the farm yet, just heard about it. i'm writing this as we drive so maybe it won't be so bad. i'll keep you posted.

i just wanted some god damn chocolate cake

and wifi. is that so much to ask? apparently it is. i looked up free wifi hotspots and cross referenced that with places that would serve cake. i went to mccallister's. they had turtle cake in the biggest slices i've ever seen. i don't need a tower of cake. just a modest slice of delicous and rich chocolate.

i'm at panera now eating a brownie. i guess you can't always get what you want.

don't stop 'til you get enough

i know i already wrote about Michael Jackson but he's still on my mind, probably because the news and every other channel has yet to stop talking about his life. i don't mind it. actually, it's been making me feel very nostalgic so i spent some time looking back at his old music videos. to this day i think they are some of the best videos ever made. Jackson set the precedent for everyone after him. if it wasn't for him, music videos would probably still comprise of musicians dancing in bad lighting in front of disco balls (watch Gloria by Laura Branigan for reference). i remember watching satellite TV in Iran where some channels would spend days just marathoning his videos. this meant i only left the television when i was dragged away from it. to be honest, i think Michael Jackson had a hand in shaping who i am now and what i'm interested in (cartoons had a supporting role). so i've listed a few of my favorite MJ videos and what they taught me.

Billie Jean

a sneaky photographer follows Michael around, trying to catch him in compromising positions. also, it showcases Jackson's ability to create electricity with the flick of a toe.

lesson learned: Michael is MAGIC. furthermore, BITCH he ain't yo baby daddy!

Beat It

Freddy Mercury and George Michael are rival gang leaders who get into a dangerous yet graceful knife fight. Michael Jackson steps in before someone gets hurt.

lesson learned: good choreography settles all disputes.

Thriller

the music video so epic, it came with a disclaimer. lasting over thirteen minutes, it combines two of my favorite movie genres--horror and musicals.

lesson learned: ......i still can't get through the first two minutes without shitting my pants.

Say Say Say with Paul McCartney

Paul McCartney and MJ scam town members (most of whom are old as hell) for money that they then use to fund their back alley orphanage.

lesson learned: the elderly are easily swindled.

Leave Me Alone

the video tours a Michael Jackson theme park where the only patron is Michael Jackson. yes, in case you were wondering, that is a bust of Elizabeth Taylor.

lesson learned: LEAVE MICHAEL ALONE

Black or White

Macaulay Culkin uses the power of his guitar to blast his father (the guy from Cheers) across the Earth where he learns about other cultures by watching Michael Jackson dance. in the end it turns out Michael is an animorph. he wrecks racist shit. awesome.

lesson learned: Macaulay Culkin is one hell of a rapper. oh yeah and racial discrimination is wrong.

this ended up being longer than i intended. i guess the moral of the story is: i love all of Michael Jackson's music videos. go watch them. all of them are incredibly entertaining. here are a few others to note:
Jam- MJ teaches the other MJ (Michael Jordan) to dance and in return learns basketball.
Remember the Time- pharaoh Eddie Murphy's wife is promiscuous and Michael has Alex Mack powers
Earth Song- what have we done to the world?
Bad- watch your mouth, Michael has a gang.
Smooth Criminal- straight up gangsta shit. children, avert your eyes.

i've got something to say

i have a lot of stuff going through my brain right now. here are the highlights.

on Obama's position on Iran:
can i get a "hell yeah"? finally, a president who understands that the US doesn't need to stick its nose in everything! interfering in Iran would be a huge mistake. the clerics will look for any excuse to throw the blame on someone else. it needs to be abundantly clear that they are the problem, not western influence.

but of course, there are politicians and pundits out there who are blasting the president for not taking action, most notably John McCain. these people clearly have no idea what they're talking about. they could care less about Iran! at this point, John McCain and his posse just wait for the president to say something so they can say the opposite. they are so self absorbed that they don't seem to understand that Iran's revolution actually doesn't have anything to do with them. why should anyone listen to John McCain anyway? remember this: Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran?
Obama did finally cave into the pressure, though. speaking out, he condemned the actions of the Iranian government. and guess what happened? Ahmadinejad immediately called him a meddler and compared him to Bush. didn't see that one coming...oh wait, yes i did. i'm actually okay with it, though. the important thing is that he stands by his decision to not intervene.

it's hard to turn a blind eye on the awful things happening in Iran right now. the videos posted by brave Iranians show their awful treatment at the hands of the Basij; mysterious burning liquids are being poured out of helicopters, people are being beaten, killed, and refused funerals. they aren't even safe in the hospitals. i'm absolutely disgusted by the governments actions. They are constantly twisting stories in an attempt to manipulate the people and cover their own asses. they even try to blame the victims of violence for their own murders! in order to stop Neda, a young girl who was killed early on, from becoming a martyr they claimed that she was shot on accident because they had information that she was or was aiding a terrorist! people didn't buy that load of bullshit so now she has become a symbol for the protesters.

i think if there is going to be interference in Iran, it needs to come from the world, not one country. i don't understand why America considers itself the moral leader of the world. it's an arrogant assumption to make and i'm sure other countries don't appreciate that. what's the UN for anyway?

RIP Michael Jackson
his death still hasn't sunk in, yet. it's just really wierd. i was SO obsessed with MJ as a kid, but then again who wasn't? michael was a total badass.

if you didn't think this was cool when you were little, you're lying

the first thing my brain did upon hearing the news was to immediately reject it. i wanted to believe that it was a publicity stunt. even now that it's been confirmed, his death is hard to accept. i feel like i should have expected it, though. throughout history, legendary talents have died too soon.

in other news...i have a huge boner for my car.
the batmobile is back. since i made my car look like crap with my terrible driving and the insurance offers accident forgiveness, we finally got it fixed. it looks unbelievable! in honor of my car's rebirth i'm rechristening it the starship batmobile.

artist's rendering of my car...jealous?

"forgive your enemies, but never forget their names." --JFK
i've been collecting a lot of enemies lately. here's a list of people who need to watch their back, even though i don't actually have the balls to do anything...

Tina's Shit List:

Alyssa Roe--my first enemy from kindergarten. i haven't forgotten you, bitch.
the Supreme Leader
Stephenie Meyer
Brentwood Library
Fox News
Yankee Candle Co
Bugs
Diet Tina
Geo Metro Drivers

there will definitely be more to come. i'll keep you posted. also, if anyone actually reads this stupid thing, who's your worst enemy? just curious.

azadi baraye iran

"freedom is neither eastern or western. freedom is global." -azar nafisi

is this really it? the revolution we've been waiting for? it seems like it started on accident. i've been saying for a while now that it was only a matter of time before people started revolting but the ongoing protests still caught me off guard.

i wasn't surprised that they cheated. the last election was a sham as well. they were just smarter about it and at the time people were apathetic. this election, though, was a blatant insult to the people. iranians are not stupid! they know that millions of hand written votes can not be counted in a few hours, not to mention the votes coming from iranian citizens in america.

to be honest, i was not very trusting of moussavi. he was once behind the religious movements that helped make iran what it is today and its hard to believe that someone could change so radically. just the fact that they allowed him to run makes it appear to me that he was never planning on changing anything. he claimed he wanted to create change from the inside which i don't think is possible. however, anything is better than that ignorant asshole, ahmadinejad.

when mousavvi contested the results, i don't think he expected things to get so explosive. these protests are more than the fallout of a false election. people have been angry for a long time.
the past week has been unbelievable. the images and stories coming out of tehran are terrifying but i am so proud of the people for standing their ground. despite the governments attempts to stifle their voice by kicking out the media and blocking the internet, iranians have found ways to make themselves heard. the world is listening.

i want everyone to be aware of what is happening. its the least i can do as my people risk their lives for freedoms that i've been lucky enough to have my entire life. i feel very helpless. i wish there was something more i could do. if i could reach my family and the protesters somehow i would tell them to stay strong. we've come too far to back down. "natarsin, natarsin, ma hameh ba ham hastim." (do not be afraid, we are together)

jon and kate plus who gives a fuck

i swear if i see one more story about jon and kate and their village of children, i'm going to lose it. i expect it from the gossip magazines because they don't really have much else to talk about (seriously though, i'd rather they just publish pictures of celebrities eating and walking their dogs). but cnn? really? aren't we in a recession or something? are we still in iraq? what ever happened to afghanistan? i even expected more from fox news--i'll never make that mistake again: How Green Are Jon and Kate Gosselin?. I DON'T CARE. the only way they could make me care about this family is if jon and kate were training their children to become cold blooded murderers that they planned on releasing in my neighborhood.

they've even seeped into my dreams. i'm not kidding! the only reason i'm writing this is because i dreamt that i wrote it. it's fucked up.