i am NOT the department of labor

dear unemployed people,
do me a favor. go get the phone book you use and look for when it was published. is it up to date? or is it more than ten years old? if you answered yes to the latter then THROW IT THE FUCK OUT. i don't know if you realize but sometimes this crazy thing happens to businesses-- they move and change their phone numbers. so try to remember that next time you call me in an effort to contact the department of labor. and just so you know, the more you call me the less likely i am to be the DOL. SO STOP CALLING ME.
love, tina

p.s. who the hell uses a phone book anymore? it's called the internet jackass.

can you find me in the DOL office pictured above?

this morning i was awakened by my phone. even though i didn't recognize the number, i answered it anyway because sometimes my family calls me from overseas and since they use a calling card the number is different each time. unfortunately, the man on the other line was not my uncle but another poor sap calling me to seek career services. here's how the call went down:

me: hello?
idiot: yeah um i wanted to talk to you guys about my hearing...
me: i'm sorry this is a cell phone. i don't think i can help you.
idiot: well a cell phone is the only phone i have.
me: no i mean, i'm just a student. you have to call someone else.
idiot: well i'm supposed to be there at...
me: you have the wrong number.
idiot: this is the only number i have.
me: who are you trying to reach?
idiot: the department of labor
me: yeah, that's not me.
idiot: on french landing drive in nashville. i just need to...
me: i can't help you.

i wish i could tell you it ended there but this man couldn't seem to grasp that there was nothing i could do for him. it was like he was expecting me to help him anyway. he kept asking me questions and telling me about his problem. i wanted to scream, "THIS is why you are unemployed, sir, because you clearly have some sort of mental deficiency." instead i tried to refer him to the DOL's website-- another concept he apparently couldn't grasp. i actually had to hang up on him.

this has been going on for more than five years and i know it's not going to stop so i now have the department of labor's actual phone number saved on my phone.